丰满肥白 - 第一章

    “用你那一手无法掌握的三十三f，夹si他！”                                                                                                             当这一句豪迈之中带了点情*se的话从室友沈依依的嘴里面说出来的时候，我基本上可以肯定，这丫其中绝对包含着妒忌我x的成分。                                                                                                             拥有一个一手不能掌握的x，实非我本愿，我家老娘明明是三十四b，按照遗传学来说，我应该是会遗传到b才对，至少，在x部开始发育的时候，我一直是这么认为的。                                                                                                             但是不知道综合了我爸什么基因，混成了激素，成了三十三f。                                                                                                             要是整t的身材都像是三十三f一样，我也就不用忧愁了，至少给人一种很合理的感觉，可惜x部是唯一不合群的存在，它鹤立**群，众处皆平它独挺……                                                                                                             老实说，从青春发育期开始，x围一直像是涨停板一样看涨，每次男生的视线瞄过来瞄过去，还在那里窃窃私语的时候，我也表示很羞涩，尤其是在上t育课进行跑步的时候，羞涩的可以直接去当番茄酱了。                                                                                                             按照从小一起玩到大的损友林淼淼用一句话来形容那种场景，我至今觉得很经典，也很无奈。                                                                                                             波涛那个x涌啊……                                                                                                             tat                                                                                                             但是我天然呆的气息，不是一天两天铸成的，所以在听见沈依依说出这句话来的时候，我很白目很直接地回了一句。                                                                                                             “唔，因为你大概永远都不会t验到所以才这么说的吧？”                                                                                                             沈依依和我身高差不多高，一米六七，但是常年谎称一米七，虽然身高差不多，但是沈依依和我有着很大的差别，她拥有着我妒忌的一马平川的骨感，我拥有着她羡慕的x涌的r感。                                                                                                             合成一句话来形容大概就是白天不懂夜的黑，巨*r不懂贫r的忧。                                                                                                             说起沈依依的贫r，还是有着一件很囧很雷人的事情的，这件事情除了我们这一届已经大三的老油条，唯一还有点印象的估计就只剩下大四甚少出没的老人了。                                                                                                             那个时候刚入大学，大家都是p都不懂的新人菜鸟。                                                                                                             对于我们这种新人菜鸟，学校里面总是有一堆的活动的让我们去融入这个小型的社会，b如说社团招新，b如说什么校园十佳歌手大赛一类的。                                                                                                             沈依依是一个音乐舞蹈ai好分子，那嗓子就算是称不上天籁，至少也可以称得上嘹亮。至少每次去ktv那一首必点的《青藏高原》每到高*cha0的时候，我都得用手捂着耳朵还得默默担心那音响会不会爆掉，因为咱实在是赔不起啊……                                                                                                             所以在沈依依瞧见那选拔赛报名处，那眼神，振奋的像是已经瞧见自己在舞台上发光发热了一样，二话不说，上前c起一张报名表就填。                                                                                                             当时沈依依也想鼓动我参加来着，可惜我每到高*cha0部分绝对会破音的概率高的可怕，每次去ktv唱歌到□□，我都是一脚踩在包厢里面的小桌子上涨红了一张脸，表情狰狞地拉上去，咱实在不能在大庭广众之下丢这个脸不是？！                                                                                                             更何况，这舞台中间也没有能让我踩的部分，难道要我踩自己的脚么？                                                                                                             沈依依表示理解，所以没有多刁难。                                                                                                             在很长一段时间过去了之后，在偶尔提起这件事情，沈依依还是会黑面，她表示人生最后悔和最不后悔的事情都是参加那一届的十佳歌手大赛。                                                                                                             其实那一次的大赛还是挺不错的，如果没有出那件意外事件的话。                                                                                                             沈依依实力不俗，一路从初选到了最后的决赛。                                                                                                             决赛上主要二十进十，十进一，和那个时候流行的“超级nv声”选拔赛一样，台下坐在学校的老师教授一类的当评审，礼堂里面楼上楼下座无虚席，那个时候还得有专门的票才能进场当观众。                                                                                                             b赛的环节，除了唱歌以外，还有着其他的才艺表演。                                                                                                             当时我们班上还有着另外两个nv生参加，在才艺表演那一关，三个人也就组了队，练了两天，跳了动作b较简单，在当年很红火郭富城的palapala舞蹈。                                                                                                             三个nv生穿着小背心，穿了小背心也就算了，为了好看，还把bar的带子给拆掉了。                                                                                                             结果，悲剧就是这么铸成的。                                                                                                             沈依依的贫r，让她的bar无法负荷她跳动时候带来的地心引力，从x骨，一直掉啊掉，掉啊掉的，掉到了肚皮上，当着两千多个人面前。                                                                                                             在舞蹈完成的时候，沈依依当场就哭了，一个身高一米八长相一流帅的男人从台下冲了上去，脱了自己的外套往着她身上一罩，在两千多人的目光注视下，拉着她下了台。                                                                                                             那场b赛，沈依依掉了脸，失了十佳歌手的称号，可她成功地虏获了一个男人的芳心。                                                                                                             所谓“祸兮福之所依”，大抵就是这样了。                                                                                                             那个男生虽然脸很出众，但是名字很像菜市场一般的平凡，叫“陈亮”。                                                                                                             亮哥b我们高了一届，算是学长，那天是被室友拉着去会场玩耍的，没有想到却给自己揽来了一个缘分。                                                                                                             亮哥那英雄式的救美，让我曾经一度幻想自己也会遇上这么一个英雄的人物。                                                                                                             可惜，在被偷掉一辆二手自行车，两个钱包，m走三个手机，不幸遇上一回露y癖，我都没有为自己等来英雄。                                                                                                             我顿悟了，就像是陈小春唱的那样，我没那种命，怎么也轮不到我。                                                                                                             “哼！”                                                                                                             沈依依重重地哼了一声，因为我再一次戳中了她的伤疤而黑面了。                                                                                                             “行了行了，阿墨难得春心danyan一次，咱得支持她！”                                                                                                             出声的是寝室另一个姐妹，姓g名文雅。她的姓是个多音字，原本应该念第一声的，但是每次别人见到她的名字，念的都第四声重音。                                                                                                             每次听到这种叫法的时候，文雅真的很想直接上去给人一个中指。                                                                                                             文雅有x三十二b，处于b上不足b下有余的所在，所以对于偶尔涉及到x部问题的时候，她一向可以置身事外，看我们鹬蚌相争。                                                                                                             “就是就是！”                                                                                                             我奋力地点头，应和文雅的话，在经历过大一的疯狂，大二的闷sao，大三的我正式步入了有事没事在寝室看□□的宅nv行列，到现在才瞅见一个让我有感觉的人，这容易么？！                                                                                                             我有预感，要是这次不手到擒来的，估计就得单身渡过剩下的大学日子，也许，再进化下去，我就是不是一个偶尔会猥琐的囧娃，而是一个长期变态的囧娃了。                                                                                                             “咱对不起阿墨没关系，总得对得起一月一次凌爸凌妈送的吃的。”文雅又补上了一句。                                                                                                             我苍凉远目了，感情我爸妈的地位在她们两只的心目中b我这个同室共度两年多偶尔还带同床共枕的姐妹还重要，也亏得我爸妈仗义，每个月进行一次朝贡。                                                                                                             “来，跟文雅姐姐说说，你看上了哪家俊秀少年？”文雅脸上带着笑，以贵妃半躺之资在床上看着我问着。那发着亮的眼睛告诉我，其实她的内心很八卦。                                                                                                             文雅喜欢混网站，每天上网专门往天涯啦，碧水啦，战se啦，猫扑啦，十九楼上直转悠，天天盯着别人的树洞贴，然后每个经典的帖子上都会有她丧心病狂一样的马克痕迹。                                                                                                             现在，轮到我来树洞被她马克了。                                                                                                             依依那句话的起因，是我回到寝室向她们宣告了我看上了一个男人而引发的。                                                                                                             如果重述一下事情的经过，应该是从今天下午离第一堂课还有十分钟之前说起。                                                                                                             我一如往常从校广播电台出来，然后遇上了同班一混学生科当g事的姑娘——赵倩。                                                                                                             最近学校整治校风校纪，对于缺课逃课事件表示很关注，有些老师上课的时候不ai点名，无疑地让很多学生是钻了个漏子，所以学生科的压力很大，开始了ch0u查点名一类的活动。                                                                                                             当然，作为学生的我们压力也很大，春困秋乏夏打盹，偶尔偷懒不上课一不小心就要挂墙头，这种待遇，谁扛得住？                                                                                                             当然，你有张良计我有过墙梯，真的要逃课时候去找一个认识的又不是自己班的人来顶替一下，保证万无一失，反正学生科的哪知道是不是本尊！                                                                                                             赵倩脸se很差，一见到我，就像是见到浮木一样。                                                                                                             “阿墨阿墨，帮个忙！”她巴着我的手臂，把手上的东西往着我手里面一塞，“帮我去一号教学楼11楼1104号教室计算机系大三的点个名，一定要在上课之前点。”                                                                                                             “这不是你的工作么。”                                                                                                             我嘟囔，把她塞给我的东西推回去，从这广播社到一号教学楼有很长的一段路，时间那么短暂，虽然教学楼有电梯，但是我也没有那么英勇能在十分钟之内到达教学楼，挤上电梯到11楼去啊！                                                                                                             “我今天中午吃坏肚子了，都已经上了三回厕所了，现在肚子又疼的厉害，再去我就拉k子上了。阿墨你要是不去，我诅咒你明天起床变成gn，还是三十六g，让你没有内衣穿，衣服扣子全部崩裂！”                                                                                                             那姑娘涨红了一张脸，头上冒着冷汗，以咆哮马之姿朝着我吼着。                                                                                                             我听的虎躯一震！                                                                                                             mb，真恶毒，果然是最毒妇人心！                                                                                                             太让人泪流满面了，明知道我最怨念挺起的x围了，居然还带这么诅咒我的！                                                                                                             三十六的gn，我能扛得住么？                                                                                                             你赢了！                                                                                                             我抢过她手上的点名单子，扯过她x口挂着的代表学生科的铭牌，蹬上我第二辆二手自行车撒丫子地往着一号教学楼而去。                                                                                                             很多年后，我在回想，要是当年顶着变成gn也无所谓态度而不去帮人点那一次名的话，我那颗流氓而又猥琐的心是不是就不会心动了？！
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